Doctors Visit

We went to the doctors office today for my boys' annual physicals.  I also needed physical forms filled out for our foster care license.  We get to the part where they tell them to undress and leave on their underwear. Apparently none of my kids were wearing underwear............REALLY??!!!!!  Oy vey, I give up!

 

 

ETA:  Shortly after this the neighbors came over to tell me one of my lovelies had thrown a stick of butter in their yard.  They found their dog eating it and were afraid he would be sick.  REALLY???? BUTTER?????

Calm Down Corner and Command Center

As I am mentally preparing to head back up the mountain with my middle son James, I spent the week making a "Calm Down Corner".  There were a few reasons behind having this corner.  First, I'm trying to develop a positive parenting approach with James to help with his underlying attachment issues.  Spending so much time focusing on everything he is doing wrong and being upset with him is not helping either of us with bonding and increasing self image.  We had been using the typical "Time-Out" with him, but it never resulted in any changed behavior.  Instead his anxiety increased exponentially and it turned into a battle of wills.  If I am trying to teach him to change his behavior I need to focus on his anxiety first.  Then we can focus on the actual behavior. Which brings me to the calm down corner.  We are working on a variety of strategies he can use when he gets upset or anxious.  I have placed these in the calm down corner with the hope that he will be reminded to utilize these skills to get himself back under control.  Once everyone has calmed down then we can discuss the behavior, what he can do differently next time, and then coming up with a way to repair any damage to relationships he may have done.

Here is the "Calm Down" Corner side.  It is located on the landing of our stair case.  This wall contains the calm down strategies and the other wall is out "Command Center".

 

 We are working with James on identifying emotions and picking up on emotional social cues.  I put this emotions poster in the corner so he can point out what he is feeling throughout the day.  Above the Emotions Poster is our House Rules which are Be Kind, Be Respectful, and Be Safe.  No matter what they are doing wrong I relate it to one of these rules.  For example if they are jumping on the couch I say, "That is not safe".  By focusing on these three words I believe we have seen a lot more understanding from my younger boys.  Less Talking equals More Listening :)

Here are larger print outs of the Relaxation Books I have talked about previously.  There are eight relaxation techniques that are kid friendly.  James really likes the Lemon one where you pretend to squeeze lemons with your hands for ten seconds.  Next to that I have a print out of a rose/candle to practice deep breathing.  I have the boys pretend to smell a flower through their nose and then blow out the candle through their mouth when we are "breathing".  Behind that is a printable to keep track of taking 5 breaths in the shape of a star.  I cant find the link for that one, but will add it if I come across it again!

Here are a smaller version of the relaxation cards that we can grab and take with us outside or to the store.

This is our calm down box, inside we have a few books about being angry, some I Spy books and a few little other things I will show you in the next few pictures.

We have a few glitter bottles that you can shake up and watch the glitter.

Here are balloons that have been filled with Play-Dough.  We drew sad and mad faces on them.  They can be squeezed like stress balls.  So far they are a favorite in the corner.

This was just a dollar store lacing activity.


COMMAND CENTER:

The other wall has our command center, basically everything important goes over here!

We have a weekly verse that the boys can memorize for a prize and a Character Trait that we are working on this week.  I will emphasize this trait throughout the week, giving out high 5's or stickers when I se someone demonstrating it!

 Our bulletin board has the weekly menu's and calendar of appointments.  I also have an individual behavior sheet that is used when someone is working on something individually.  Underneath the board we have what we are praying for this week, I have six categories (Family, School, Church, Friends, Country, Other Countries).  We rotate pictures and pray for different people in each category.  The "Friends" Category includes not only neighborhood/school friends but I have also laminated pictures and descriptions of kids we have received from Compassion International, so we will pray for them as well.  The Blue Schedule on the side was something I had picked up from the dollar store.  I keep James and Joel's afternoon schedule there since that is when we have the most issues.  It includes picture cards for the activities.  The white board above is Matthew's board.  It lists his chore for the day on the top.  Then there is a checklist for morning and a checklist for afternoon things that need to be done.  This has really helped, instead of me nagging him about making his lunch or putting away his coat, I just ask him if he's completed the list!  Its helped eliminate some control battles as it is no loner me telling him what to do.

Treatment Plan Update

James' BHRS and Mobile Therapist were over yesterday morning to update his treatment plan as it is coming to its three month expiration. Despite some rather insulting, "So I read some articles on attachment and it said you should do X, Y, Z" comments, in the end we will be implementing more things I had requested. We will hopefully be using the time the mobile therapist is here to work on some social stories and social skills for making friends. Also trying to increase his time when doing activities without adult and peer attention, for example reading quietly for a few minutes so I can throw a load of laundry in!

Proud Mommy

Matthew was upstairs crying tonight.  Mom moment of the year:  It went on for about 20 minutes before I realized he was crying rather than singing, oops!  Apparently he had a horrible, no good, very bad day today at school.  I got a note that there was an altercation on the bus this morning and that Matthew had lost his recess because of it.  Matthew claims that as they were getting off the bus another kid punched him "for no reason at all" and he punched him back.  I'm sure there was a reason, although it wouldn't surprise me that Matthew didn't know the reason.  He doesn't pick up on social cues very well.  I figured this was the reason he was crying, so I went up to talk to him.

Matthew told me that he had brought his Pokémon cards to school today and his teacher had confiscated them.  I absolutely LOVE his teacher!!  The kids are not supposed to bring the cards to school, we have discussed this numerous times and he continues to try and sneak them to school.  I usually catch him.  Im so glad the teacher caught him because if he gets away with things like this his behavior quickly spirals downhill.  I cant say enough good things about his school.

Anyway, the most amazing thing about all of this was that Matthew was crying.  He wasn't turning this incident into anger and rage.  He didn't blame it on anyone or anything.  He allowed himself to be sad and disappointed without the whole "flight or fight" response I usually see.  We discussed how taking the cards was a bad choice, but that he knew what could happen if he did it and he still made the choice.  We discussed how it is okay to be sad and the important thing is to take this incident and learn from it so we don't make the same mistake again.  He was able to articulate that bringing the cards to school to show his friends was NOT worth the consequence and that next time he needs to think it through first.  He then said that the rule is that they loose the cards till the end of the year but that the teacher has given another student back toys the next day.  We were able to discuss and role play how he could talk to the teacher about this tomorrow.  He needs to be respectful and ask if he can discuss the situation with the teacher and see if there is anything he can do to repair his mistake so he can get the cards back.  We also discussed that it was up to the teacher and if she said no, then he needed to take the consequences with dignity.

Overall, despite thinking he was singing in his room for 20 minutes, I am so proud of our evening and how far we have come. 

Medication Approved!

James' medication was finally approved by the insurance!  I originally was hoping to start with Intuiv right off the bat, since we've already done this whole medication dance with Matthew and that was what worked for him.  I knew the insurance probably wouldn't go for it, but we tried regardless.  As expected it was shot down and we finally landed on Tenex, which is the same as Intuniv but not extended release.  I didn't see much success with it with Matthew, however he was on several medications at that time.  We will try it with James and see what happens.  He will take it twice a day. We started this morning before school, he stayed for "Lunch Bunch" so I didn't get him until 2pm.  He seemed tired (which never happens) when I picked him up.  He said he sat real still during circle time and thought the medicine helped.  Here's hoping it will make a difference.

Relaxation Books

We have been working with James on Deep Breathing and Relaxation. I avoided this as long as possible, as I was pretty much in denial that we were walking down this attachment road again.  I kept telling myself it was JUST ADHD, not attachment issues.  I feel like I just climbed over a huge mountain dealing with these same things with Matthew and we were finally down the mountain walking on flat land.  Just as you think the journey is getting easy another mountain comes into view.  There is a lot of mental preparation you have to go through to make another journey over the mountain.  You cant turn around cause you've got a mountain behind you, so your only option is to go over.   Ive been living the last few months on the flat land of the mountain trying to avoid the climb.  At some point you know you have to climb that mountain to ever get on with your journey.  I guess you could say Ive accepted it at this point and am gearing up for the next few years of teaching basic social skills and family values.  Given that I've already done (am doing) this with Matthew I have a lot of tools and no what to expect.  However I'm always looking for new strategies!  I found this great blog with tons of ideas.  My favorite was the relaxation books.  I made one and have been working with the boys on practicing these skills. 

Jaw: Chew That Carrot
Now, pretend that you are trying to eat a giant, hard carrot. It is very hard to chew. Bite down on it. As hard as you can. We want to turn that carrot into mush! Keep biting. (Hold for 10 seconds). Good. Now relax. You’ve eaten the carrot. Let yourself go as loose as you can.

CHECK THEM ALL OUT AT:
http://www.kimscounselingcorner.com/2012/06/18/fun-and-easy-to-make-relaxation-flip-books/

This totally inspired me to finally put together our "Calm Down Corner"!  Im almost finished and will share pics with you soon :)

Update on James

James has been working with a BHRS (Behavior specialist) and Mobile Therapist for about three months now. I really like them, they don't totally get it, but nonetheless they have given me some things to think about and implement at home.  We've focused our house rules on three things:  Be Kind, Be Respectful, Be Safe.  Ive tried to stop talking as much and just focus on these three rules.  So instead of a long rambling lecture I just say, "That's not safe".  I think it has been helpful, not so much with James actual issues, but helpful when trying to wrangle all three boys and in a general household control and structure way.

Im still waiting on James' medication to go through the insurance.  That has been a complete debacle of back and forth, however I think something should come through this week.

We had a three month check in with the counseling agency in order for insurance to continue funding the BHRS and Mobile Therapist.  Once again I had to go through James' life story.  Why cant these people just read the freaking file.  After talking for awhile I mention that at one point Matthew was diagnosed as RAD.  A big sigh of relief came over her and she said "OH so you wouldn't be SUPRISED if I tell you I think James has some attachment issues?!"  LOL surprised??  NO.  She proceeded to tell me in front of both Matthew and James that I had taken on a "burden" and they were "brain-damaged".  I was livid at that point, I really cant stand some of these therapists! She then proceeded to tell me how I should parent him with a one page summary sheet, cause you know, she went to a training once......

Whatever, over and done with and insurance approved therapy for the next three months.

James has been doing better than expected in preschool.  There have been a few incidents like choking a peer and hitting the teacher at the beginning. It seems as though he really wants friends.  The other kids in the class will not play with him when he is "rough" and will flat out tell him.  He seems to get that the other kids don't like it, but still struggles with what behaviors he can replace it with to get them to play with him.  Despite this the kids seem to quickly forgive and invite him to play.  He has trouble focusing and listening during group time.  He is more apt to try and push his chair into the person next to him or look around the room.  Im hoping the medicine will help with this.  He is "behind" academically, but does show interest in learning things that seem fun to him.  Right now he likes writing.  The teacher thinks it is more so the fact that they get to work one on one with her, which I'm sure is true, but works for me.

We've got a meeting Wednesday with James' BHRS and Mobile Therapist to update the plan of action for the next three months.